Something's Gone Terribly Wrong

Too succeed is a term known to everyone.

Too fail

Now thats a whole different idea

I wish I could see into the future

I'd know then if I fail

Or succeed

INNEVITABLE

The chest rises and falls

A quake disturbing the peace

Light soaks into the cold skin

Cigarette smoke fades strong teeth

Smiles trade glances with pride

Our model too look up to

All eyes wonder and are lost in thought

Uncertain if there is pure truth

Thin blankets shade the weak soul

We all hide behind laughter

One last moment to live together

That kiss leaves your lips for the last time

Clenched hands loosen their grip

They die with you at their side still loving

CREATIVE WRITING

Today i was introduced to my creative writing class. The professor is smokin hot and her name is Amy. I think im going to enjoy this class and will probably pay close attention to detail mainly because i already enjoy the professor. It will be a tough class riddled with different ways of ultimately receiving a grade. That of course, is not the reason im attending, I think I would much rather gain the knowledge and skills that the class holds within. Only then will i receive an awesome grade and an awesome experience. Aight but fer real now, I am having a tough time writing fiction and I've come to realize after today that i enjoy writing poems much more than fiction, as odd as that sounds. Yeah it may make me look like a flaming homo but whatever, all who know me know that i love pussy. With that said i think writing poems is what i will enjoy most in this class. Tomorrow's adventures include three more new classes which also means three chances to meet new people, and three chances to decide whether i will hate my life this semester, or it will be much more enjoyable than last.

INDEPENDENCE

The feeling of utter joy and happiness by merely being by yourself and completely by yourself is a rare thing, humans are naturally social and dependent people right? So turns out right about now im feelin absolutely amazing being alone. No one is here and im kickin it n my apartment alone. It's a great feeling of independence and peace. There is no girl in my life and im basically on my own other than my family supporting me and backing me up in life overall. I have never felt such a feeling of joy from independence. There has been this feeling of self security and self knowing that i have been poking at for awhile now. Never been real confident in myself, whether it be appearance, socially, whatever you think of when confidence comes to mind. Self discovery is rare for me and this is really coming into view lately. Being by myself has truly made me discover how to by self reliant for happiness. Im not saying im a pro at it and im not saying im an absolute rainbow bursting with happiness every second of the day, but i am saying that i am very happy with life right now and can't see the need for blue days. Smiling and feeling good inside is what its all about. I don't know what im doing with this life of mine or where it is headed, but that doesn't get down on how i can feel. I don't know jack squat about the world and thats alright, i have a whole wonderful lifetime to figure it out. Look up at the sky and see how broad the sky truly is. It is massive! That is how i feel about life, it is massive with so much variance and possibility. Finding myself is a great experience and hope all who do this for themselves are making a great life for themselves. It is awesome to be in this position and have this feeling of utter freedom. Im a lucky kid and am greatful

LOST IN THE DEPTH OF MUSIC

There is something about music, mostly house, trance, techno, whatever you wanna call it, that lets me let go of all thoughts and current reality. I love the feeling of just drifting from this world in long continuous thoughts and sometimes blank thoughts where nothing seems to blend or take shape. Without music i would be an utter wreck! I couldn't ever get homework or reading done and life would most certainly be much less interesting. The escape it provides is like nothing else. I feel like reality gets swallowed whole and you are left with purity alone. There is also some kind of happiness and joy that sweeps though my entire body when a happy trance song comes on. Especially while im driving and my iPod begins playing one of my favorites. It is the ultimate experience of true freedom. In those moments i live in a world of peace and stability with no problem, no goals, no regrets, no worries. It us utter happiness and im blessed to be able to experience such a feeling. Many days go by when i know most people don't see the true freedom and experience true happiness. I feel bad that i can't share this feeling with others. Being alone and figuring out who i am individually has really helped me realize what other do for me in my life. Having a person to be in a relationship is great and there aren't many things in this world that can compare to such and experience, but since i have been goin steady with being by myself and solo i have learned to really figure out how to make myself happy. For the first time ever i think i have looked past on depending on a girl and felt comfortable living my life for once. Its amazing and i am enjoying it. Don't get me wrong i have my lonely moments of longing for someone to lay next to at night, but for the most part I am glad to of had this time to discover myself. ITs interesting how music can make your thoughts flow into things you probably would have never of thought about otherwise. Trance has blessed my life and i will probably listen to it for many years to come, if not until i dye. It is beautiful. While the world around us seems to crumble ever so slowly, This music brings me to a place of refuge and security. Close your eyes and listen for yourself, maybe you will find something hiding within as well?

THE MIND DOES WANDER

Sometimes you feel like you've screwed up a lot along the way. You aren't really sure of how or why or what got you to the now, the present. I guess that's pretty normal. A fresh new beginning would be nice sometimes. How do you know when that starts? Do you just go along with life and let stuff pass by and say you are going with the flow? Or do you care about stuff and get all worked up over things that could be looked over any other day of the week. Where is that equal medium that we all look for? You can be a victim or you can knuckle up and forget what the past has told you. Either way life doesn't get any easier until you figure out how to make this world the place YOU want it to be. I've certainly realized that hard work pays of in the end. This doesn't always happen how you want it to, but it does or will some day. I should probably work harder at the pressing matters in my own life. Again i guess this goes back to screwing up and regretting things that won't ever change. There are so many questions people have about life. I know i do. Is it possible that i just over-think everything; im sure it is, but maybe thinking about direction and what really matters is what i like to do. Granted, life is not some board game where we simply try to accomplish one goal. Things get a little more complex now and then. Who am i kidding though, my life is easy right. Money and good fortune is there for the most part. I don't go hungry every night of my life. I have nice things like a tv, a computer, a car, i mean what more could a 20 year old kid ask for? A dog. An English bulldog is what i want. A companion who doesn't give two shades of shit what you look like, how you smell, how sad you get, how mad you get, how smart or dumb you are........it would keep loving you all the same. God does that too right? I believe he does and is suppose to. But you don't always feel that. At least i don't. Maybe the farther you personally drift from him the farther away his love seems. Guess what, that makes it MY responsibility to pursue him doesn't it. Easier than it sounds most days. Then again most days, aren't most days.

TRANCE

The beat swallows all fear

Building on the past

Many surroundings wander lost

It will conquer until the peak

Here it all is

Waiting is over and it flows

Nothing can resonate above this

Awaken as it lightens today

Opening the mind in answer

A story unfolds of any kind

Like the third day it rises

Always will it be

Bringing in all pandemonium

Smile to devour the music

Resist none and listen