Living to be Alive

I am currently in no mood to move, in no mood to do what is asked of me. My body is sick, but my mind is probably much more sick. To begin looking at a human life as a whole is scary. You are born into a world you have absolutely no control over, only to grow old in a world you have no control over. What if at some point in this life we do see what we are suppose to see. The earth sustaining a species unlike any other. We possess a brain so amazing, so complex and beautiful, but so fragile. As of now I am sitting in a room I call my own, huddled inside a jacket I call my own, but am inside a body that is hard to call my own because what is my body to me? A living organism that breathes, thinks, does, and ultimately lives. So why not make this life something worth doing. Brought up in a society that values money, fame, and popularity more than anything else, it makes you think where do I sit between all of this. Do I go to school, just to learn stuff to get me a good job so later in life I can go to work everyday and call my life amazing. This view can only be improved, like my daily living and daily discovering. Maybe I am going to school to expand my knowledge about who I am and how I can impact this world with the knowledge that is taught to me. I possess a brain that can learn and unlimited amount of things. Only I can choose these things to learn about.

There have been days when I rise from a sleep that I thought was peaceful, only to be brought back into a life that I don't want to live. Late last year I was prescribed medicine to "fix" the problems I had about self worth and pondering whether I should remain on this earth. Maybe they worked. Maybe they didn't. I chose to stop takin these little pieces of white magic so I could find out what really is inside myself. They coated over the problem and could have fixed it in the end, but now I look back and see I shouldn't be choosing whether to live or die, I should be choosing how to live in order to feel completely alive. Wealth and fame is the goal for all American children right? When you are little you have dreams of becoming something amazing that the world looks at in wonder. Now I am still and uneducated, young adult that looks at the world and asks what kind of life should I live. I know that the more I learn the better off I will be, but what I learn about doesn't have to be about things that will get me an amazing life in the future. I want to know whats inside of myself, how far am I willing to go to discover a life I am content with whether it be with me living in a mansion, or some hut in Africa. Every day every one of us gets up and looks in the mirror just to glance at something we think we see. What if every day you woke up and saw something for what it truly was. My only hope is that I can grow, and keep growing knowing that a vast world awaits.

I know you're safe, wherever you are

Moments don't last forever. Leaving this earth is too far away to think about right? I guess some sort of life would be one you enjoyed, learned from, experienced, and lived at your best not knowing what the future holds. So, if a moment gives you a good picture of your life, stop and take a look for awhile. This is it, our lives continue no matter what. Reaching for the top is a way to live, but experiencing each moment for what its worth is all we can do til we get there.

For I

Forget me for I

Am gone. From this place

Ment to disappear for I

Hate. What has become

Leave me behind for I

Will. Be in no place here

Shoulders burdened for I

Just want. Time to fall

Sinking into dark for I

Waste. Life that I have

Overcome by them for I

Can't give up the drugs