Go On, Now It's Your Turn

yesterday’s misery sits at the bottom

of a stomach which still hasn’t eaten since last night

holding onto anger’s rock, it needs grinding

broken down, like the family tearing love into pieces

constantly a guilt of simply existing, jumping a day’s hurdle

the next one just gets taller

the people in front of you, they run faster

strap on your best shoes, a simple tie, a suite made for a king

compete for a spot on this earth

being alive just doesn’t cut it anymore

winning the lottery to be rich?

no, it’s for being comfortable, luxurious peace of mind

separation from the ordinary, things are solved

a mindset we’ve wrapped in this smoke, watch it float away

possessions possessing us

fighting in a war, undrafted, with not a gun

with sweat and labor, shuffling among our fellow man

making ends meet? -wrong, meeting our end

life the target, aligned down our site one finger on the trigger

bruises always heal, blood returns to where it came from

or? are there curves in the road, waiting within ticking clocks

things start fading, a setting sun

they don’t come back the same way they went down

shuffle the cards one more time, maybe you’ll get a better hand

just like a candle’s flame wishes there was more wax

you see the end, but how bad do you want it to get here

open life’s handbook

scroll through the table of contents

walking, talking, you lose a tooth, a first kiss, driving, obeying laws, graduation, marriage, kids - they look like you, expenses are paid

how odd, death doesn’t have a page number

if only there was a hand to hold

you wouldn’t be so tempted to give the world the finger

here’s a bullet, heavy with “at least you tried”

don’t let it all hit your mind, it might leave a scar

Waving Goodbye

it’s my sanity

i watch it go

making no effort to wave goodbye

standing in a small white plastic box

close as possible to the motion sensor

just so the room temperature water

has a chance to spurt out

of a shower head installed for little children

staggered streams hitting the center

of my spine that starts to shiver then

gives out under the current reality

still my sanity leaves

without even pushing aside a curtain

to walk away, no strings attached

for they wouldn’t want to find you

hanging there

with plastic around your neck

to remove your own life

just like the fifteen other people

wanting to

admitted to this world of help

all in their beds covered in thin

shattered sheets

reflecting upon past attempts

they all have motion sensors

in their little white boxes too

now

if only the water would stay on

long enough to form a puddle

maybe being found face down

would be better

or maybe i should just try

reeling back the tiny pieces of sanity

collecting them together

opening up a numb mind

so i can shove them inside again

they could be useful down the road

i would have wanted to wave goodbye anyway

He carves

have you ever seen His work?

the way His delicate hands

start carving into the thickest wood

the outer layers resisting

giving Him no reason to continue on

He does, as if there is something so great

He can’t leave it behind, forget it

and continue his next piece

softer wood, more extravagant,

some can be used to hold up the

the highest coliseums, the largest monuments

those are the ones worth continuing

worth the work put into them

He still creates these colossal structures

puts them to greatest use, to support many

but He doesn’t leave behind the thickest of woods

the ones always fighting back

as if His hands were the enemy

as if there seemed to be no possible way

of turning these pieces into something useful

you think He gives up?

lingering over, just waiting for the opportunity

to take His sharpest tools, ones that He counts on

to penetrate that thick outer skin

finally working, finally sculpting

as if it were is very own child, He puts

every last sliver of strength into this creation

even if it may not support the highest coliseums

the largest monuments

it will still be used, so the world can see

how His hands create beauty

On A Good Day

A little bit lost and

A little bit lonely

A little bit cold here

A little bit of fear

But I

Hold on and I

Feel strong and I

Know that I can

Getting used to it

Lit the fuse to it

Like to know who I am

Been talkin to myself forever

And how I wish I knew me better

Still sitting on a shelf

But never, never seen the sun shine brighter

And it feels like me on a good day

Im a little bit hemmed in

A little bit isolated

A little bit hopeful

A little bit calm

But I hold on and I

Feel strong and I

Know that I can

Getting used to it

Lit the fuse to it

Like to know who I am

Been talkin to myself forever

And how I wish I knew me better

Still sitting on a shelf

But never, never seen the sun shine brighter

And it feels like me on a good day

-Above and Beyond

uncover what's inside

the most fortunate person in the world

to breathe in a breath of air

air that is full, smiling all the way down

into a body that is creating

yes flawed

but one of a kind, healthy and alive

enough to think, enjoy, laugh, love

to do what we are here to do

exist among many and many

wading with, through, and around others

meeting, introducing, fallowing, leading

sometimes shoving, hitting, fighting

killing

all echoing ones who walked before us

trodding, heavy footed, on a ground

that has listened, cared for, and put up with

every mistake, discovery, realization in time

simply being and belonging

to a vast, ever-changing culture

getting up off the bottom, holding hands high

right below a heaven

knowing we all finish the same race

with teeth showing or tears streaming

your hand in mine

Money Ruins Everything

Whoever invented money, pure genius yea, but pure- fuck everything else a life is worth living for up- also. Money creates stress, but it is needed to survive in this current world. If there was ever some way to find a life that isn't surrounded by money, then I want that. I would give up every worldly possession I own for just a few things in life. Unconditional love to a wife that gives it right back, friends that have your back til the day you die, and maybe a life lived so others are happy, at peace, content and loved. Money has blessed my life with material things that, don't get me wrong, are completely awesome. It has also destroyed my life. Parents forgetting about love, fighting over possessions, fighting over who owes what to whom. FUCK THAT SHIT! I wanna live at peace and want everyone else to live without the burden of money. Just have a few close friends, have a wife that knows I will never leave her for things that won't matter in the end. Money is important yea, but I hate when it consumes our lives, which in this culture, happens every day.

When Summer Starts

It's always been a time of awesome relaxation, a time to stretch out and live free of worries for three months. But this time, its not a summer feeling that I get, not the feeling of joy to be done with school.

There has been this amazing thing going on in my life this past month. It's hard to explain. A group of people that didn't know each other to the slightest degree find each other, and in some way mesh together to form a bond that, in all reality, I hope lasts a life time. The friendships we make, the people we are around all the time make for a beautiful life. They are what helps you wake up in the morning knowing that there are people out there that you know are great friends that want exactly what you want. Someone else to do life with.

Getting to know such amazing people has truly been a blessing and I couldn't ask for a better life. Old friends too are still so much apart of me, but when you combine all the people you are close to, get them in one place to have a good time, you simply don't need anything else. This summer is different from all others before because all these people will be away, off to another state, another country, another home away from home. It will be months where you wake up and know you can't just go hang out, or do fun shit with everyone you've grown to love. I am kind of hoping it goes by fast, not because I want to get back into the hard ass grind of going to school, but because I want to live with that feeling, knowing that your friends can experience everything you are in this crazy world. All be there together, livin up the best years of our lives.