THE MIND DOES WANDER

Sometimes you feel like you've screwed up a lot along the way. You aren't really sure of how or why or what got you to the now, the present. I guess that's pretty normal. A fresh new beginning would be nice sometimes. How do you know when that starts? Do you just go along with life and let stuff pass by and say you are going with the flow? Or do you care about stuff and get all worked up over things that could be looked over any other day of the week. Where is that equal medium that we all look for? You can be a victim or you can knuckle up and forget what the past has told you. Either way life doesn't get any easier until you figure out how to make this world the place YOU want it to be. I've certainly realized that hard work pays of in the end. This doesn't always happen how you want it to, but it does or will some day. I should probably work harder at the pressing matters in my own life. Again i guess this goes back to screwing up and regretting things that won't ever change. There are so many questions people have about life. I know i do. Is it possible that i just over-think everything; im sure it is, but maybe thinking about direction and what really matters is what i like to do. Granted, life is not some board game where we simply try to accomplish one goal. Things get a little more complex now and then. Who am i kidding though, my life is easy right. Money and good fortune is there for the most part. I don't go hungry every night of my life. I have nice things like a tv, a computer, a car, i mean what more could a 20 year old kid ask for? A dog. An English bulldog is what i want. A companion who doesn't give two shades of shit what you look like, how you smell, how sad you get, how mad you get, how smart or dumb you are........it would keep loving you all the same. God does that too right? I believe he does and is suppose to. But you don't always feel that. At least i don't. Maybe the farther you personally drift from him the farther away his love seems. Guess what, that makes it MY responsibility to pursue him doesn't it. Easier than it sounds most days. Then again most days, aren't most days.